Monday, August 21

Out of my mind on Friday; Out of the house on Monday

After three weeks of feeling funky, I went to the doctor on Friday. Turns out I have a sinus infection. I prefer to say "had" like now that it's diagnosed and I've got antibiotics it's gone. But apparently I have to ingest these drugs in order to evict the infection. But my energy has tripled and I finally feel back to normal. Now to start working out again.

Last night I had a wee panic attack. I'm anxious about having to talk to my mom. My family and I have such a breakable link connecting us that I'm never sure what moves I can make that will break the whole damn thing. I lay in bed last night for 3 hours just thinking about how I could approach this relatively benign conversation about staying at a hotel and taking home some of my things. I stared at the ceiling while I analyzed how she would react and how based on her reaction how my brother would interpret that. Then after 2 hours of endless worry, I realized that I'm screwed either way. I won't say this makes me feel better but at least I know where I stand.

One thing I know about myself that is true. I need to know where I'm stand...even if it's in hell.


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