Friday, February 11

On speaking terms with CUTE...

I've been losing weight with Weight Watchers for about almost a year. I'm proud and shocked to say I've lost 40 pounds so far. So getting used to a new way of eating and incorporating exercise into my life has obviously been successful. What's taking more time is getting used to the results of healthy eating and exercising. While not all bad it's really wierd to feel hard, rigid bones where once was soft, cushiony fat. It makes scratching yourself in public very entertaing to watch.

For example the butt scratch. Before I had a pretty average looking hiney and I was used to it. In fact I figured my hiney would always be lumpy, bumpy and kinda liked the cellulite valley and mountains. Like the Grand Canyon--only flesh toned. But on some random day I reached for a good hiney scratch and felt something odd, smooth, and firm back there where soft and plushy had been the name of the game. I'll admite that I am a hypocondriac in the sense that anything odd, strange, or new that happens with/to my body instantly leads me to the assumption that it's either cancer or some made up disease (which I can cleverly imagine--e.g. blood poisoning). This time I opted for cancer, butt cancer. I knew it must be true because what could possibly be back there other than that? Mr. Jack (science & anatomy guru) correctly diagnosed my butt cancer as a tailbone. Oops! Who knew I had one? So now every once in awhile I'll turn around and scratch my tailbone just cause I can and cause I never could before.

This new, changing body invites all sorts of discoveries. Such as 1) My breasts are huuuge. 2) Seriously, huuuuuuuuuge. 3) I do in fact have a skeletal frame. 4) My face isn't puffy naturally. 5) I can look cute from time to time. The last of these new epiphanys is the hardest for me to accept. Sure, sure I've always said "Oh, I'm kinda cute" and revered myself as "Supporting friend attractive" but now from time to time I catch a glimpse of this person in the reflection of a shop window and I think "geez, she's kinda cute...who is that girl?" And honestly, I don't know who she is and why she's standing in my shoes. But I like her and even if it takes some time to warm up to letting her in.


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