Tuesday, November 9

Happiness is...

Jourdan, Granny, & Me
Originally uploaded by mrsjack.
in this picture.

I love my Granny and I don't get to see her near enough. After the honeymoon in New Orleans we stopped off in Tulsa for a couple of days. Primarily for our Okie Wedding Reception but also to see my family since I won't be going back for the holidays this year. The reception was incredibly enjoyable especially since my friends Shanedra, my bridesmaid and Suzanne, my best friend came up to help us celebrate.

But as usual the hardest part is leaving. It's not that I don't want to go back home because I always do but it's that I know that it'll be months before I get to see Granny again. Since Grandpa died I haven't been there for her like I should and I can't begin to explain the guilt I feel. I also feel a pang of guilt knowing that my brother and I are falling apart as a result of well..something. He won't really talk to me about it and while I know it's tearing my parents up that we're not on good terms. I really don't feel like there is much that I can do. So I've kinda given up on him & I.

Sometimes it just seems that you have to choose you or your family and I suppose no one in my family has ever chose themself before. So now that I'm treading unfamiliar ground without a familiar family safety net, it's hard for me to go back since I've become accustommed to them not being there. I'm not sure how I can maintain the balance of being their child, grandchild, & sister while still being me. So until I can get it all figured out, I'm going to cling to this picture and hope for times as good as those frozen in that frame.


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